Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize