I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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