So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she told me i tasted like america
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
