Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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