She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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