I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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