fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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