Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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