I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
