God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish i was in the wii world.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
