Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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