He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
