Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
