I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
