new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
