Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
