look no pants
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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