I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
