your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
