don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
