i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
