These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
