Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
