i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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