be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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