my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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