i think i have herpe
just one?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
