honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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