dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
