Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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