Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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