I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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