....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
