i jhust puked up my retainher.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
