Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
