I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
