I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
