dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
