at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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