you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
