Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
