Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
