Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
