My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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