how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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