My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
