i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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