I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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