I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
