Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
