wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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