Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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