i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
