Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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