my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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