I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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