why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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