I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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