I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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