it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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