her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
