Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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