your parents love me but you hate me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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