Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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