.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
