Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
