So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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