somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
