I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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