i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
