One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
