We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
