It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
