this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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