Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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