last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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