Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize