Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
